an amazingly fun thing!
by Basic-bookworm
Summary: IT IS SOOO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS! PLEASE READ! it's just totaly random. !FINISHED!
1. From nowhere to nowhere

_A/N: This has absolutely nothing to do with AF&TSB this is just some weird random shi*_

_I'm writing this weird because I've just read somfin that's weird and I'm kinda got it stuck… srry to that person… if u want u can find it in my Fav stories thing!_

Artemis: Holly?

Holly: yes Artemis?

Artemis: why have we suddenly appeared out of no where to seemingly nowhere???

Holly: uh… I don't know…

Artemis: I see…

Mulch: HEY!! Where are we???

Artemis & Holly: MULCH!!!! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM??????

Mulch: I don't know… one minute I was in Eoin Colfer's head, now I'm…. where ARE we??

Opal: hey guy's! what's goin on???

Artemis: oh hey Opal, I don't know… are you behind it?

Opal: nope.

Holly: well, danm, there goes my only theory

Mulch: hey, have any of you guys noticed that if you look up you can see what we've just said with our names next to it? *_*

Artemis: oh, yeah….

Holly: weird…

Opal: you got that right…

Basic-bookworm: OMG I CAN'T BELIVE I CAN TALK TO YOU GUY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Artemis, Holly, Opal, Foaly & Mulch: WHO ARE YOU????!!!!!!!

Foaly: Where am I???

Artemis: We don't know!

BB: HI I'm writing this WHOLE THING!!!!!! *squeak*

Opal & Holly: WHAT???

Artemis & Foaly: Is that why we aren't fighting Opal??

Mulch: hey I kinda like this girl… say… could you give me a million gold bars???

BB: SURE

We are all suddenly surrounded by gold bars as far as the eye can see

BB: and if anyone tries to steal it they will be rendered unconscious until I decide otherwise!

Artemis falls to the ground, unconscious

Holly: wow… he looks kinda innocent…

Everyone looks at Artemis.

Opal: yep

Foaly: definitely

Mulch: not so cute really! He tried to steal my gold!

BB: you kissing Opal for that!!!!!!!!

Mulch and Opal start kissing passionately, everyone falls to the ground laughing

BB: cya Foaly! Your boring me

Foaly disappears

Holly: what did you do to him!!!!!!

BB: oohh I just thought of something!

Foaly appears and opal stops kissing Mulch and stars kissing Foaly

Mulch: HEY!!!! HE's MARRIED!!!!!!

BB: no he's not… they got divorced

Holly: awwww I always knew they where meant together!

Everyone looks at Holly as if she were mad

Artemis wakes up.

Foaly disappears and Opal get's up, not remembering anything

BB: YAY!!!! MY THIRD PAGE!!!

Opal: Hey, Artemis is awake!

Artemis gets on one knee and produces a ring

Artemis: Holly, will you marry me???

Holly: how old are you?

Artemis: 18

Holly: uhh… ok…

BB: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_A/N: I might just do another chap… what am I kidding! This is SOOOOO fun!!_

_PLEASE COMMENT!!_


	2. The Wedding the torture

At Artemis and Holly's wedding

BB: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! THIS IS SOOOO AWESOME!!!!!!!

Foaly: shut up!

Person who does the wedding: you may kiss the bride

Artemis and Holly kiss

BB:YAY!

Everyone stats clapping though are staring at BB

BB: AWW I coulda made myself a brides maid!

Holly: no you couldn't!

Everyone is suddenly back in the middle of no where Artemis and Holly in normal clothes

Holly: HEY!!!! WHAT ABOUT THE AFTER PARTY!!!!!!

Artemis: and the night after… (in whispers so Holly can't hear)

BB: you get all that! I just want a private place for the fanfic!

Mulch, Artemis, Holly, Foaly & Opal: YOU'RE A FAN!!!!!??????

BB: yup!

Opal: why was I at the wedding?? You think I'm a phycho-bitc*!

Bb: I like the idea of u being nice in this fic… plus u were Foaly's date

Foaly: YEAH! What about THAT night after?

BB: you'll get it!

Holly: *snickers*

Artemis: hey! I can see that written if I look up!

Everyone looks up

Holly YOU SAID THAT ARTEMIS!??????

Artemis: Oh, oh…

BB: RUN ARTEMIS!!!

Artemis set's off running and Holly races after him. They run around in large circles and are then are in their wedding clothes

Artemis: Thanks BB

Opal: I've got an evil plan to work on, cya!

Opal disappears

Foaly: aww… there goes my night after…

Artemis and Holly stop and everyone looks at Foaly

Artemis and Holly join the group again

Mulch: nice dress Holly

Holly: thanks mulch

Minerva: WHAT!? WHERE AM I????????

BB: MWA HA HA HA!!!!!!! YOU SHALL DIE MINERVA!!!

Everyone glares at Minerva

A wepon of unimaginable torture appears in everyones hands

Artemis: GET HER!!!!!!!

BB, Artemis, Holly, Mulch, Foaly: ARRRRRRRRRRRR

Everyone charges forward and starts torturing Minerva

BB: EVERYONE STOP!!!

Artemis, Holly, Foaly & Mulch: AWWWW WHY??

BB points at an Iron Maiden that had just appeared.

_A/N: MWA HA HA HA!!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUN!!! PLEASE TELL ME UR ENJOYING THIS AS MUCH AS ME!!!!!!!!!_


	3. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

At Minerva's funeral

Music: _always look on the bright side of life_

Artemis: Well, this is fun

Holly: yep

Mulch: I can't believe a funeral could be so much like a party!

Music: _always look on the bright side of death_

Opal: This IS a party!!!!

BB: It is SOOOOOOO fun!

Music: _just before you draw your terminal breath_

Artemis: what IS this song, anyway?

BB: Monty python's bright side of life

Holly: no kidding

Everyone else at the funeral is glaring at them

Foaly: I think we should go back to nowhere

Music: _lifes a piece of shi* when you look at it_

BB: I don't know….

Everyone raises torture weapons

Holly, Artemis, Opal, Mulch & Foaly: BB!!

BB: ALRIGHT!

Everyone appears in nowhere

Holly: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!

Opal: ohhh I know what it is!

Foaly: Opal told me!!!

Artemis & Mulch: what is it??

BB: you don't know???

Holly: LET ME ANNOUNCE IT!!!!!!!

BB: go on

Holly: I'm pregnant

Artemis & Mulch: WHAT?????????

Mulch faints

Everyone stares at Mulch then at BB

BB: what??? I thought it'd be funny…

Artemis: HOLLY!!!!!! YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME YET!

Holly: I just did

Artemis: I should be told before anyone else!

Holly: I think that's MY decision

Opal: I agree with Holly

Foaly & BB: I agree with Artemis

Artemis: mumbles under his breath

Holly looks up

Holly: Artemis! What did you mumble??

Artemis: NOTHING!

Holly: *Glares*

Artemis: all I said was "mumbles" under my breath!

Holly: BB?

BB: REALLY! That's all he said!

Opal: I'm thinking about releasing myself from prison, what d'ya think?

Holly: it's a bit clichéd

Opal: what isn't?

BB: ask TOCDemi

Opal, Holly, Artemis and Foaly all burst out laughing

Foaly: I reckon you should stay with your pattern and wait a book before attacking again

BB: Opal, despite people who are bored of you, I think you're a good main villain. I mean, nobody is tired of Lord Voldemort, are they??

Holly: *Gasps*

Mulch is shocked awake

Foaly: YOU DARE SPEAK HIS NAME!?

Artemis: You are not fit to speak the name of the dark lord!

Everyone stares at Artemis then he reveals a dark mark on his left fore arm and pulls out a wand

Artemis: AVARDA KADAVRA!

Opal dies

Holly: …

Foaly: …

Mulch: …

BB: … well… there she goes… I'll probably bring her back to life in the next chap…

Butler: Why is Opal dead?

Artemis, Holly, Mulch & Foaly: Butler!

BB: I finally decided to bring him!

Butler: Where am I??

Opal, Artemis, Holly, Mulch, Foaly & BB: Nowhere!

Everyone looks at Opal

Holly: The Fairy who lived!

BB: BY MY DOING!!! Now can we get off the whole HP thing, I think the readers will get bored

Artemis: OK

Butler: hey! If you look up you can see all the-

Opal: we've established that already!

Butler: oh… who're you?

BB: I'm the author of this fan fiction

Butler: I see…

Holly: I'm pregnant!

Mulch faints again

Butler: really?

Holly: yup!

Artemis: I didn't know before she announced it!

Holly: well you know now!

BB: I agree with Artemis!

Holly: you ALWAYS agree with him!

BB: he's the main character!

Opal, Foaly & Holly: NO HE's NOT!

Holly: I AM! I've had to endure it!

BB: well you are A main character, but not THE main character

Opal: That's because I am!

Foaly: NO I AM!

Butler: It's called the Artemis Fowl series!

Everyone except BB, Artemis, Butler & Mulch set to sulking

Mulch wakes up

BB: … what're we going to do now?

Music: _Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad other things just make you swear and curse._

Butler: YAY! I love this song!

BB: YAY! MY FOURTH PAGE!!!

Artemis: It was played at Minerva's funeral

Mulch: I REALLY LOVE IT!

Everyone else is still sulking

Music, Artemis, BB, Mulch & Butler: _Always look on the bright side of life… always look on the light side of life_

BB: AND OFF INTO THE END OF THE CHAP!

Everyone stops sulking and all starts singing

_Always look on the bright side of death…_

_Just before you draw your terminal breath…_

_Lifes a piece of shi*_

_When you look at it_

_Life's a laugh and deaths a joke it's true_

_You'll see it all a show_

_Keep 'em laughing as you go_

_Just remember that the last laugh is on you…_

_A/N: _**READ THIS!!!**_ I LOVE THAT SONG!!the lyrics are on my profile._

_Ok people I have one warning for you. Read the whole thing that's been written then ask yourself if whether or not I __**WANT**__ this to be OOC. I welcome flamers as long as it's not a few sentences on how your brain has melted. That's just stupid. If you have more than one long flamer, I warn you now, I will make it my duty to point out every little problem in you own stories. I am not kind to your type. I have a short temper. So if you don't like it you can have one flamer in each of my stories as long as you make it clear you have READ them._

_You have been warned._


	4. Basicbookworm's Death

_A/N: False "One Called Demetra" I LIKE YOU! _

_In this one I am going to have a guest! Ru-Doragon! (I've got his/her permission!!)_

Foaly: Opal died of a heart attack last night!!!!

Artemis, BB, Holly, Mulch & Butler: YAY!!!!!!!!

Opal's Ghost: I'm still here!

Artemis, Foaly, BB, Holly, Mulch & Butler: AWWWWWWW!!!!

Ru-Doragon: HEY!

Artemis & Foaly: WHO ARE YOU?????

Butler: Don't you read the A/N? Ru-Doragon is a guest that has been written in this chapter.

BB: Yeah… well, do your stuff Ru!

Ru-Doragon chases Artemis and Holly around with a bag of popcorn and a #1 finger telling them to make out.

Opal's Ghost (between giggles): Who's idea was that?

BB: Ru-Doragon's… sort of…

Artemis and Holly kiss and everyone cheers

BB: Seeya, Ru-Doragon!

Ru-Doragon: BYE!

Mulch: BB?

BB: yes, Mulch.

Mulch: I've spent all of my gold and I was wondering…

BB: It's Artemis' turn, Mulch

Artemis & Holly: YAY!

BB: The same rule applies to –

Mulch, Opal's Ghost & Foaly all drop to the ground, unconscious

Artemis: Greedy idiot's

BB and Holly fall to the ground, unable to control their laughter

BB: Artemis, Holly?

Artemis: Yes?

Holly: No.

BB: do you like Fan ficts?

Artemis & Holly: No.

BB: Why not?

Artemis: I hate having to do so many out of character things so often

Holly: I just don't like it because I've been Pregnant over a million times

BB: y'know, I shouldn't be writing this… it's a bit hypocritical…

Holly: Well you're the one making us say this!

BB: OK. Off that subject., do you think I should wake them up?

Artemis: NO WAY! Give spoilers for AF&TSB!

BB: NEVER!

Minerva's ghost appears behind BB

Holly: BB! Look out!

But it was too late.

_A/N: I know, I know, that was a horrid chapter, but I'm getting bored of myself so I'm making my first killing to be in a HUMOUR fanfic! There will be plenty more killing but I never expected my first one to be in THIS one! (apart from Minerva & Opal but they come back as GHOSTS) I might come back later XD_


	5. Mr Fibbles

_A/N: OK. I haven't updated in a while because, frankly, I've got BETTER THINGS TO DO. I start school again soon (as a teacher or a student you'll never know) and I wont be able to update as often. For anything._

Holly: Thanks a lot Minerva! Now we have no way to get back to somewhere!

Artemis: EVERYONE!

Murder weapons raised, Opal's Ghost, Artemis, Holly, Foaly, Mulch & Butler attack Minerva's rapidly solidifying form.

BB: YES! AVENGE MY MUDER!

Everyone stares at BB, having already re-killed Minerva.

BB: you don't think I'd be gone forever, did you?

Artemis: Well, that's the whole point of dying, isn't it?

Opal: Why does SHE *points to Minerva* gets to come back solid??

Holly: Yeah?

BB: well, you had to be able to kill her again. And, Foaly?

Foaly: Here we go.

BB: Why the mace?

Mulch: I'M SCARED OF MACES!

Mulch faints.

Artemis: He faints a lot, doesn't he?

BB: yeah.

Valkyrie Cain: What!??? Where am I????????

BB: Sorry, I was bored.

Foaly: So you brought a character from another book?! Shock-horror, BB, Shock-Horror!

VC: WHAT BOOK?! WHAT ARE YOU!? WHERE AM I?!

Holly: You're in nowhere, hun, I'm an elf, Foaly there is a centaur, the big one there's a Butler, the boy's a criminal mastermind, the fat one on the ground's a dwarf the see-through one's a pixies ghost and the… other one's the author.

VC: Of the book?

BB: I wish. Of the fan fiction.

VC: What's that?

Artemis: Don't bother, she's not going to answer properly.

BB: Who says? Little mister know-it-all?

Artemis drops dead. The sky darkens and BB cackles madly into the sky. Everyone backs up.

Holly: THE POWER'S GONE TO HER HEAD!!!!

VC: DAMN! This _always_ happens to me. I get on the scene and some evil person pops out of someone's ass.

Foaly: stop complaining.

BB suddenly stops laughing and stares insanely at the others. She appears in a red and white chequered dress and a matching bonnet, all her real hair's gone instead there are two obviously fake pigs' tails sticking out of her bonnet. A penguin puppet appears of her left hand.

BB: The Artemis Fowl characters are being SO naughty, running away, aren't they Mr. Fibbles?

Mr. Fibbles: Yes they ARE BB, should we kill them?

BB: No Mr. Fibbles, The Potato King has to judge wether they are insane or not first.

Foaly: We're not insane!

Mr. Fibbles: Prove it!

Artemis: We'll see the Potato King!

BB: do you have a magic carpet?

Holly: Yes! We have a magic carpet!

BB: So you're telling me you're going to ride on a magic carpet to the land of the potato people to see the potato king and. And you say you're not mad?

Mr. Fibbles: Not very convincing.

BB: NO they're not, Mr. Fibbles. Let us kill them.

BB & Mr. Fibbles eyes glow red.

BB & Mr. Fibbles: LET US KILL THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…

_A/N: YAY! I'm mad aren't I Mr. Fibbles?_

_Mrs. Fibbles_


	6. Wel, Then You're Fued

_A/N: I would like to thank HappyHappyJoyJoy for kicking off the chapter. The first five lines are _hers_ so don't blame me if they're horrid. Lol jks._

Minerva stops the mad BB + Mr. Fibbles  
Minerva: Okay, will everyone respect me as a main character now?  
Everyone (except for BB she's knocked out) looks at each other  
Everyone: Nope *raises weapons of torture*  
Minerva: Damn.

BB: OK! Now it's my turn, bitch!

BB stands up and socks appear in Minerva's mouth.

BB: MR FIBBLES WAS A FREAKIN' PUPPET!!

Everyone stares at BB, BB starts laughing manically

BB: GET HER MY SLAVES!

A hundred zombies appear out of nowhere to nowhere again and all started that authentic slow-moving-body-parts-falling-off-swarming-zombies-thing

Everyone appears about five hundred metres away, Minerva's screams echo across nowhere.

VC: Nice.

Holly: why are the zombies all slow, zombies are WAY freakier when they're fast.

Opal-who-isn't-a-ghost-anymore: No WAY! There tends to be only a few zombies when they're fast, but hoards of slow, falling to bits zombies are CLASSIC!

Artemis: Yes. When their victim gets slowly surrounded with no way out, priceless.

Mulch: I dunno, fast zombies are pretty freaky, have you seen that mud man movie _House of the Dead_? They were all stuck on an island and only two survived and one turns out to be a zombie.

Skulduggery Pleasant with gun in hand pointing at BB: HEY! I KNOW YOU! WHERE THE HELL AM I???

Holly: woah, calm down!

VC: yeah, we're just having a chat – hey, is that Minerva person screaming her last? Last screams are ALWAYS the best.

Everyone listens to Minerva's death throws.

SP: Nice. *put's gun away* you come up with the zombies, Greaya?

BB: I'm not Greaya here, this is an AF fan fic.

SP: WHAT? YOU'RE A FAN OF OTHER BOOKS???? UNFORGIVABLE!

VC: Don't worry, we're her favourite.

BB: No I'm not, AF was on the scene LONG before SP.

SP: right, I'll do you for that. Valkyrie, my well trained puppy, ATTACK!

SP attacks but stops in the middle of it when he notices VC glaring at him.

VC: I'm your _what_?

Foaly: *whistles* now you've done it.

BB: I'll let you two sort this out alone.

SP: NOOOOOO! SHE'LL KILL M-

SP & VC are gone

The zombies start towards the group.

Butler: BB?

BB: *sighs* THIS is why I made them slow, zombies freak me out. Alright everyone, grab your guns.

Holly: WHAT?! Just get rid of them!

BB: Can't, Mrs. Fibbles brought them to life, me and Mr. Fibbles got divorced.

Everyone (except for BB): WHAT?!

BB: Grab your guns, one shot to the head should do it.

Artemis: I do not have a gun.

BB: *stares*

BB: Then you're fuc*ed

Opal: neither do I!

BB: then you're fuc*ed, too.

Butler: I have a spare gun!

BB: good, give it Holly.

Artemis & Opal who are watching the zombies slow approach fearfully: WHAT? WHY?!

BB holds up three fingers

BB: She's a better shot

Index finger goes down

BB: Her gun doesn't work against zombies

Rude (I don't know other name) finger goes down

BB: She's the preggers here.

Holly: hey!

Foaly: It's true

Opal: what about us?

Mulch: as BB said, you're fuc*ed

Butler: wow, those zombies are slow.

Holly: what about Foaly and Mulch?

Foaly: set gun's to kill. I am SO technologically advanced

Mulch: I nicked Foaly's spare gun

BB: Oh, that one's in range, and so is the one behind him and now the one behind him

BB casually raises her gun, aims briefly and blows three zombies heads' of with the same bullet.

Holly: Nice.

BB: I try, I'm better with a longbow, though.

Artemis & Opal fall to the ground sobbing

Foaly: Oh, don't be such babies.

Artemis: easy for YOU to say! You've got a gun!

Holly: I've told you AGAIN and AGAIN Artemis, always bring a fully loaded gun to nowhere, BB's crazy.

BB: She's right. It's your own damn fault.

Holly: *looks at Foaly* I look after my husband, you look after your pet psych-bitch

Foaly: agreed:

The zombies come on in full force


End file.
